For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. - Philippians 1:21
Sometimes, when I read a verse like this, I wonder if we
Christians have a death wish. Indeed when Paul wrote this he was in fact a
prisoner stuck in Jail (Rome likely). He did not know what his future held (I
guess none of us really know what our futures hold), and was openly pondering
in this letter what would be better.
Life – in prison even though he still could minister the grace of Christ
to others, or death, which would men being in the presence of Jesus. One was
good…but he called the other “gain.”
When I saw this passage in my email Monday morning, my
mind took me somewhere else than, admittedly, the context of this verse of
Philippians is about.
Yet, where my mind took me was not inaccurate. Probably more of a reflection on what I was
feeling at that moment.
“…To live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
Other verses started flooding my head. Things like, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but
Christ who lives in me." (visit Galatians 2:20) Or, “If anyone would come after
me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (visit Luke
9:23) Or even a few chapter later in Galatians where Paul writes, “And
those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and
desires.” (visit Galatians 5:24)
Die.
I’m such an imperfect person. I am. There are many things in me that
disgust me that still need to die. There are. Oh, don’t get me wrong, many
things already have died, but I’m not there yet. I want, while I’m still on this side of
eternity, to truly and freely experience, “to live is Christ,” and experience
it fully.
Oh, I get glimpses, it is like seeing in a mirror dimly
(visit 1 Cor. 13:12). But those glimpses
of what I should be in Christ are so fleeting.
This I know. I’m
closer now to what I should be than I ever have been before. Someday, I shall be perfect. But not in this lifetime. That is why Paul could say with all honesty,
“to die is gain.”
No, I don’t have a death wish. Not completely. Just a longing to really know what it would
be like to “live is Christ.”
I need to die. And
Christ needs to live in me.
