The older I get the more meaningful some of the words of my teachers from my younger days become. In particular, one teacher I had at the University of La Verne (in California). It was a contracts and negotiations class, and it remains one of the strongest memories of my time at the University. Why? Because for our final exam, the professor divided up our class into two groups. He gave us financial and product parameters, and told us to settle on a contract between us. We started on Friday evening, and we were to have a contract ironed out by 4:00 Saturday. If we did not have it by 4:00. We all would flunk the class.
Literally, we came to an agreement at 3:45 on Saturday. Not before one person one each side quit (and flunked) and several others getting sick in the process. We came to an agreement only after I (as president of my side) and the president of the other side, went for a long walk around the campus; agreed among ourselves, and had to ‘sell’ it back to our own sides. It was intense, and, while a great exercise, was no fun.
One of the things that the teacher repeatedly stated was ‘never compromise.’ Always find agreement. When one compromised, so he taught, one gave up things that were important to them, and anger would simmer and stain the compromised agreement and any future relationships. Compromise is not agreement. Compromise is not healthy.
I’ve weighed on his words for over 30 years now. And I’ve long eliminated the word compromise from my vocabulary. I strive for and long for agreement. For the most part, I believe agreement (political/spiritual/ethical/etc.) is possible. Even if it means we agree to the fact we can’t agree. At least that is honest and leaves room for integrity on both sides…and I assume leaves open the possibility of meaningful relationship without compromise.
Compromise is the “limping between two different opinions.” As a Christ truster and follower, there are just things I cannot and will not compromise on. Cannot and will not. I will not, for example, follow Baal. But also, I’ve long stopped expecting others to compromise also. And being honest about that does not mean we can’t be friends and in good relationship with each other.
And it also doesn’t mean we cannot seek room to find common ground and discover things to agree with each other on. I rejoice in that!
I cherish agreement. I will not compromise…..
